my life the past 25 days

have been like this:

I can not put into words the depth of my sorrow. It is unlike anything I have ever experienced before.

Its not fair. It sucks. It hurts. Its unreal.

There was so much I had to learn from this beautiful woman. She was no where near done. She still has advice to give, holidays to spend, someday grandchildren to love, quilts to sew, hugs to give, laughter to share. 

My best friend and biggest source of encouragement, has gone to meet her One and Only.

And it hurts.

Pain racks my physical body and penetrates deep inside.

I wish I could turn back time. Pray harder, love her deeper, serve her better.

Is it a dream? Maybe I'll wake up and she will be sitting at the kitchen table with her coffee mug, her Bible, and an open chair, beckoning me to sit with her. But tears wash away this hopeful notion. She is gone.

She is gone.

My mom is gone.

~Beth

whoa

i am getting a husband next week.

updated me

im dusting off the xanga shelf once again.

update- i am heading home to florida tomorrow morning to take summer classes and to prepare for my upcoming wedding in 7 weeks! i will be mrs. phillip geer in 54 days! we are so excited about starting our lives together! planning is going smoothly thanks to my AMAZING mother!!! we are getting married august 9th in florida (for those of our friends from school--> we are having an additional reception in south carolina the week we return from our honeymoon...august 31st)

i moved out of my apartment as of today. sad day :(. after much prayer and advice, we decided we wouldnt be able to afford to live there with just phillip working and me being in school full time not working. i didnt resign my lease and as of right now we dont have any place to live come august. we are trusting God and praying for his guidence. please join us in prayer.

my mom started chemo therapy-- fourth round since she was diagnosed in 2005--she is not feeling too well this time around. she is working from home for the next month and a half while she continues treatment. my mom is the strongest woman, person for that matter, that i know. she has been through so many battles in her life and yet she presses on. please pray for her.

my dad quit his job in last week. he has just had a string of bad jobs since they moved to florida. hes feeling very discouraged. money is very tight at my parents house, so please please pray for them and a job for my dad.

i guess this turned out to be more of a prayer request than an update. but God just loves us that much. What an awesome Father we serve!

~Beth

i was just thinking about my last 3 1/2 years at north greenville. it amazes me how different life has turned out to be for so many, myself included. so different from what we thought it would be. one of my greatest memories is of my first semester here. i still have a picture of it  and it captures so well what we thoght life would bring each one of us. myself, alexsis, desiree, and  devin, my first group of friends i made, all sitting on the swing together, laughing and ready to take hold of anything.  to take holdof anything.

anything turned out to be

sickness, struggles, hard choices, battling the self, wrestling with God, pulling away from those who care, falling, picking ourselves up, new life, doing things wrong, loving too hard, loving too litte.

life.

~beth

rethinking....